Point of Fusion

Walk 1- Henley-On-Thames Round Walk, Sat 16 December2000

The outside permeated by the interior

The point of fusion is what matters

The refuge of space

Sitting on storm-felled tree fragments

Out in December Surrey

We write, hearing

Mysterious drones in the distance

Bubbling sounds nearby

Hold your head up-

So you can be present

So you can give all

For you don't want to

Spend your life as a non-entity

You don't want to

Live in some sort of wanker's paradise

Do you?

Dialogues for the day

-'O now I've got to waste half an hour-

While you two sit and write!'

'No time is ever wasted in this world..'

'Do you really believe that? I've

Wasted a lot of time in my life.'

'Oh well I don't have any original

thoughts of my own- I just collect

a pile of ideas from books and save them up

For moments like this..'

Such as- Only ideas won by walking are worth keeping.'

'Somebody told me I was a cosy person

Because I liked milk in tea..'

'You should have told her to wank off somewhere else.'

The little pockets of light fraying through

Blankets of grey in the sky

Where the sun is heroic

-Warm my heart

-But today I've foolishly drunk

Some Brakespeareís Special

Thus suspending my mind in a bowl of treacle

Its little legs and antennae

Flailing desperately

For a foothold in pragmatism-

Yet finding none!!

III

I want to go back to being sixteen-

Want to put right all those terrible mistakes

Back to the dark-haired girl

In the denim jacket

Whom I kept passing in the streets of my hometown

And whose dark eyes spoke

Of wanting, wanting, wanting

-That was the first golden doorway

of opportunity missed

No affection* ever after, could be so poignant

(*Cross out that word 'love-'

Ray Davies had four Number One hits

Without ever using it!)

Emptying out these sorrows onto paper

I hear someone near, sneeze with such immense gusto

He turns my head back to the fallen tree trunks

Some look like roaring horses

Some like massive, broken athleteís legs

Overhead an unseen airplane

Concealed above the woolly blanket-

Drones out an orchestral knell

-A long bass-note of Destiny

Are we in a relay-race

With love and death

-Handing the baton to each other?

This friend went into the hospital consulting room

For her biopsy results

Not knowing if it would be life or death news

And I was afraid as well

-She came out with her thumbs up

But the glimpse of death

Makes everything new

How sobering that this sunlight

These fallen trees

This beaming landscape

Will outlive me

A lifetime is a long time to remember

That look of the dark-eyed girl in the denim jacket

That feeling of total embrace

Never expressed

Never admitted 'til this moment

Yet all this memory

Running so deep

Will one day go

Without this sun even blinking